For my Readers’ Recommendation book, I read (er…listened to) a fascinating pop psychology book about personality, specifically the traits of introversion and extroversion. There was a lot of buzz about this book last year, and I’m so glad that the lovely NR Lines picked it as one of her favorites, which gave me that extra push to read it. Thank you, NR! 
Read on for my thoughts…
Laura‘s Review
Near the beginning of this book, there is a sort of “quiz” to see if you are an introvert. Well, as I’ve always strongly suspected, yep, I am! I scored 14 out of 19 on the quiz, which puts me solidly on the introvert side of the introvert-extrovert divide. I suspect that many of the readers of this blog are also introverts—I think us bookworms tend to be more introverted on average.
However, while it’s tempting to think of introversion and extroversion as two nice big buckets that we can sort everyone into neatly, that is unfortunately not the case. If you were to see me when I’m around my closest friends and family, there’s probably no way you’d think I’m an introvert—I can talk up a storm! And if you knew that I used to be completely comfortable performing stand-up and improv comedy in front of crowds, I’m sure you’d think that is definitely NOT something your typical introvert would find fun or pleasing. But here’s the key—introvert is not a synonym for “shy” and extrovert is not a synonym for “outgoing.” It’s much more complicated than that.
In this book, Susan Cain examines these complications, succeeding in writing an interesting, practical, and very thought-provoking book. First of all, how do we even define introversion? As I alluded to, it’s more than just being shy or outgoing. Some people suggest that a good definition is where you go when you need to “recharge your battery.” In other words, some people get energy from being around others, whereas some need solitude. It’s not that introverts are antisocial or don’t enjoy the company of others. It’s just that, for example, after a full day of meetings they might not want to go out to a group dinner, preferring instead to go home and spend some time reading or knitting or whatever. Others suggest that introversion is highly associated with sensitivity to new situations. Introverts are much more likely to be uncomfortable when faced with novelty (I can attest…you can ask me about the first time I took a yoga class!).
This book is in many ways Susan Cain’s love letter to introverts. After reading this book I realize I’m lucky that I haven’t had the experience that many introverts have had. Apparently, a lot of introverts have gone through life feeling as though something is wrong with THEM because they aren’t outgoing enough or enthusiastic enough or just don’t “fit in” right. This is because our culture conforms to something called “The Extrovert Ideal”—the belief that successful people should be outgoing and love teamwork and networking events. She traces the rise of this ideal as we moved from an agricultural economy to a sales and service-oriented culture. And the ideal has just gotten stronger in recent years, with the rise of social media, collaborative brainstorming sessions, and open office plans. The funny thing is, research has actually shown that group brainstorming sessions produce FEWER good ideas, and open office plans actually REDUCE productivity.
The Extrovert Ideal is also a very culturally dependent phenomenon. In many Asian cultures, being quiet and retiring and, well, polite is seen as a sign of respect. It’s also partially why many Asian countries have trounced the United States at math and science tests for many years. While US kids are spending much of the day doing group work and learning social skills, children in Asian schools are spending time focusing on learning to think independently. Now, I’m not saying there’s not a place for social skills or that they aren’t important, but the key is that US kids are getting prepared for their future workplaces, which will demand teamwork, collaboration, and extensive networking. So that’s fine if that’s the America we want to create. But if we want to encourage individual thinking and innovation…well, perhaps we are doing our kids a disservice.
Most of the famous artists, inventors, thinkers, scientists, etc. of the last century have been, you guessed it, introverts. Cain describes many of these successful introverts and talks about how they’ve had to overcome cultural expectations in order to be successful. There are really interesting parts about what it means to be an introverted evangelical Christian, raising and encouraging introverted kids, and of course, introvert-extrovert love matches. Also, Rosa Parks = total introvert. One of my favorite parts of the book is when Cain describes how her act of defiance wouldn’t have been as powerful if she had been an extrovert by nature (i.e., if everyone was just tired of hearing that Rosa Parks go on and on about how unfair bus policies were.)
Lest you think the book portrays all extroverts as loud people who talk too much and don’t like to think deeply about things, fear not. Cain also has a fair amount to say about the negatives about being an introvert—we may end up thinking too much and missing important opportunities, we are not as good at multitasking or reading social cues, etc. In short, there is no one “right” way to be. But since extroverts usually get all the press (possibly because they pretty much ARE the press), and they have their own “classics” (How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, for example), I think this book is a hugely important contribution to the literature on personality.
Bottom LineI listened to this book (and the narrator, Kathe Mazur, was quite excellent), but before I wrote this review, I actually had to go and check out a physical copy of it from the library. And I think before long I’ll end up buying it, because I think it’s one that I’ll want to refer back to in the future. If you are at all interested in personality theories, you’ll love this book. If you suspect that you are an introvert and want to hear about your strengths as well as ways to overcome some of the obstacles that society has placed in your way, this is definitely one to pick up. If you are an extrovert who suspects he/she is married to an introvert, this book might do wonders for your relationship. Highly recommended!
Rating: A-
Wine/Beverage Pairing: A nice cup of chamomile tea. Drunk alone, of course.
Buy Audio: Amazon | B&N Buy Digital: Kindle | Nook Buy Print: Amazon | B&NQuiet Giveaway
The lovely folks at Random House are generously giving away a copy of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, plus a signed bookplate and some other Quiet-related goodies to ONE lucky Kindles & Wine reader.
To enter for your chance to win, you must:
- Be a follower of our blog (click HERE to subscribe), AND
- Hit the comments and tell me: do you consider yourself more of an introvert or an extrovert? (Or an ambivert—equal parts of the two!) What is your favorite thing to do or your favorite place to go when you need some time to “recharge” your battery?
Please note: This contest will close on Friday, April 26 at 11:59 PM (CDT) and the winner will be notified via email on Saturday, April 27.